


None Pizza w/ Left Ralph

by QuesadillaWizard



Category: Wreck-It Ralph (Movies)
Genre: Adventure, Dream-inspired, Food Puns, Friendship, Gen, Pizza
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 01:13:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16609022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuesadillaWizard/pseuds/QuesadillaWizard
Summary: Ralph accidentally takes the wrong train home during a power outage at Litwak's and makes a whole slew of new friends who may need his help more than he needs theirs. There's a lot of pizza jokes and I'm sorry about that.





	None Pizza w/ Left Ralph

**Author's Note:**

> Hey whats up I got the idea for this fanfic in a dream like two years ago and only now got a fire lit under my ass to write and share it.

**** Thunder crashed outside Litwack's.

"And then I was like nyyyyrrrooowwng!" Vanellope's hand sailed through the air as she reenacted her most recent race. "And whoosh!" She whirled in place and nearly knocked the root beer right out of Ralph's hand as she leaped up onto the bartop and ran up his arm to perch high on his shoulder. "I blazed right by Candlehead and took the cup!"

The small company gathered around the duo cheered. Scorpion and a raptor from Dino Squad 6 looked especially impressed since neither of them had cars in their games. Tapper's was busy as usual but when the little president came in with a tale to tell, there was always plenty of noise and bustle.

"Sounds like quite the race," said Tapper, grinning behind his mustache.

Vanellope bowed. "I creamed 'em! Whip creamed 'em even!"

"Alright, alright," Ralph delicately pinched the back of Vanellope's hoodie and lowered her back into her seat. "Cool your engine, Madam President. Race's over."

He couldn't help but laugh though. It had been nearly a year since Ralph had game-jumped and made the best friend he'd ever had--all while nearly destroying two games at once. Vanellope was finally racing, finally playing her role, and he could tell that she was making up for lost time. Ralph was content to let her boast, but he kept a close eye on the little racer to make sure she didn't get too big for her breeches.

A flash of lightning sent long shadows across the arcade floor and Tapper glanced up from folding towels. His mustache twitched knowingly.

"Okay, gang, time to clear out.” Tapper turned to his patrons. “Looks like we got a doozy commin' in and I don't have enough blankets for all of you if the power goes and leaves me with the lotta ya."

"Don't have to tell me twice!" Sonic zipped out in a flash.

The raptor from Dino Squad 6 patted its hips and gave Tapper a helpless roar and a shrug.

Tapper rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll put it on your tab."

"Let's go, VP!" Vanellope slapped several gold coins down on the bar to cover hers and Ralph's sodas along with the raptor’s and skipped toward the door.

Ralph stood but hung back with a huge hand shielding his eyes. The game’s screen was visible through the windows and beyond it, the road signs outside the arcade were swaying in the howling wind. "Boy, he's not kiddin'..."

"No, sir." Jetpack Jeff shuffled by. "I'll bet my rocket boots we'll get a William's Weekend."

"Y'think?" Ralph hummed. “S’been a while.”

"Hey, slowpoke!" Suddenly Vanellope was tugging on Ralph's loose suspender strap. She used it to climb him and stand against his back. "What's the holdup?"

Ralph finally tore his eyes away from the screen and tried to look back at her. He turned in a circle. "The spaceman says we might get a William's Weekend."

"A what?" Vanellope appeared over his shoulder.

"A William's Weekend--every once in a while the weather gets so bad that the arcade doors leak. Ruins the carpet and the whole place has to close down so William's Washers can clean up the mess." When Vanellope gave him only a vacant and slightly impatient look in return, he rolled his eyes with a smile. "It means a  _ vacation _ ."

"A vacation? Well why didn't ya say so!" Vanellope leaped from his shoulder and dangled from the denim strap, cycling her feet in thin air. "Let’s go get ready! I've never had a vacation before! Unless you count all those years I was exiled!"

Ralph cringed at the memory of Vanellope's delectable dump of a home but quickly shook it off.  _ So sticky _ . He finally made his way out of Tapper’s and deposited Vanellope in the GCS tram. "Let’s not get ahead of ourselves."

"Okay, okay, but you can’t expect me to not be excited!" Vanellope folded her arms but couldn’t keep from fidgeting.

Once they arrived in Game Central Station, Vanellope spotted some fellow candy racers who had been visiting the brand new Freeway Blitz characters. The grungy teens seemed bemused by the tiny Sugar Racers who were showing them the ropes. 

"Catch ya later, Ralph!” Vanellope hopped out of the tram and glitched around a group of walking dinosaurs. “Gotta go show the newbies who's in charge!"

Ralph waved her off and started in the other direction. Thunder blasted overhead again and a sudden cacophony of shrieks startled him into stumbling over a small robotic ape. “Sorry!”

The shrieking continued.

"Everyone keep calm! This isn't an emergency! This is the opposite of an emergency!" The Surge Protector shouted as he sizzled past. 

He was hot on the heels of a colorful and hysterical menagerie of characters who had only just gotten plugged in. Nearly all of them were woodland creatures of some sort along with large sentient trees sporting worried knothole faces and a whole host of upset bulldozers with faces and the men who were supposed to be driving them. It seemed to be every man and beaver for himself.

Ralph picked himself up but didn’t bother moving aside. The woodlanders parted around him like a stream. Even though they were brand new, they still knew a Bad Guy when they saw one. Ralph let it roll off his shoulders like the rain outside.

He remembered his first thunderstorm. Every window of the Niceland Apartments had been occupied with frightened faces while Felix paced the roof, hammer in-hand, waiting for certain doom to rain down on all of them. Ralph himself had completely burrowed into his brick pile with his beloved stump clutched under one arm. It really had felt like the whole world was going to end.

He couldn't blame the poor guys for stampeding.

As the storm swelled, creatures of all sizes and alignments hurried up and down the strip sending shouts of good luck and half-formed plans for a yet-to-be-confirmed William's Weekend. Ralph had to take a slight detour from his usual straight shot to Fix-It Felix Jr. because the calendar had finally flipped over to December. It was time for the holiday rush. 

New games were being plugged in and dozens of kiosks were set up in the center of Game Central Station to welcome them. There were also booths for charity drives accepting extra items and coins as donations, contests, general advertisements, and several huge stands put up by a few games with boss-sized egos. The station was a veritable maze of cardboard, tables, and lights. Not knocking any of them over was a game all itself. As Ralph edged between two competing pie stands, he couldn't help wondering if this was how Pacman felt.

A shadow fell over him, framed by a blue flash of lightning. Ralph whirled around to spy a tall billboard bearing the legendary Donkey Kong's sloped profile. He grumbled, both annoyed at himself for getting spooked by lightning and annoyed at the billboard itself. People often compared him and his game to the Nintendo kings and after thirty one long years, it was hard not to be just a little bitter. The wrecker sucked in a breath, shut his eyes, counted to ten.

He let the bitterness flow out of him and murmured his mantra. "One game at a time."

With Donkey Kong forgotten and after much shuffling and apologizing and re-stacking displays, Ralph made his way out of the maze. He was on the far side of the station now. The rumbling from overhead coupled with the hiss of rain on glass drew a long yawn out of Ralph. He stretched his arms high above his head. Whether or not they got a William's Weekend, he would be sleeping good tonight.

Suddenly the colorful woodland critters from before reappeared. 

"Woah! Hey! Cool it, it’s just a little rain!" The stampede of deer, woodpeckers, and bears spun him around and around. He threw his hands in the air to attempt to grab their attention but something grabbed his instead--a rumble that was not thunder. Ralph's eyes grew wide as he found himself in the path of a couple of terrified bulldozers.

Ralph hurled himself out of the way, tripped on the threshold of a plug port, and all but tumbled headfirst into the back of a tram. He struggled to make his eyes un-cross as his head swam from bumping against the safety railing. "Guess they just gotta get it outta their system..."

Once all the graffiti on the ceiling became legible, Ralph righted himself and rounded the tram to the front to squeeze into the seat. The tram pulled away with a little toot and left Game Central Station behind. Ralph’s eyelids became heavy as the train rattled along the electrical track. He dropped his chin onto his fist and wondered what he'd do with a William's Weekend. He hadn't had one in quite some time. He wondered if they'd really actually get one. Surely Litwak would have replaced the doors with ones that didn't leak by now.

The little tram rolled on and on and on.

Suddenly a clap of thunder that could have rattled Bowser's teeth right out of his skull burst overhead and the tram stuttered to a halt. Ralph clutched the sides of the car and rocketed awake just in time to be plunged into darkness. 

“Who-what! What!” Pins and needles crept up the nape of his neck and brought memories of creeping cybernetic vermin with them. Ralph slapped at the tingling spot and hissed when a pop of blue electricity bit his fingers and made his hair stand on end.

"Sega Dreamcast, that smarts!" Static--not cybugs. After ruffling the lingering sparks out of his hair, Ralph twisted uncomfortably and looked back down the track. The tunnel yawned behind him, silent and black. He swallowed.

"N’alright. Stuck in the power cord. No big deal..." Ralph muttered to himself and turned back around. "Power'll come back on any minute and I'll be hittin' the hay in no time."

Ralph waited and waited. He drummed his fingers against the safety rail and picked at the crumbly bits of plastic that were flaking off the tram's seats.

The power did not come back on.

With a huge sigh, Ralph started to climb out of the tram. “Guess I’m hoofin’ it.” 

Right before his toes hit the tracks, he thought better of it. If the power came on while he was walking barefoot, they wouldn't find so much as a pixel of him left behind. The tram started to tip from the sheer weight of him stepping halfway out of it and he nearly flipped it over the other way when he sat back down.

“Yikes…”

He couldn’t just sit in here all night! Ralph started to look around. No emergency exits in site. No emergency power on the tram. But as he lifted one of the seats behind him, a light bulb flickered on in the dusty attic of his brain.

"Felix isn't the only one who can fix it,” he told himself with a grin.

Ralph ripped two seats cushions free from the tram car behind his and tied them to his feet with strips of leftover seat material. The rubber would surely keep himself. As though testing a particularly hot bath, he reached one foot out and tapped the raw wire path. Not so much as a pop of static.

Humming with pride, Ralph set off down the tunnel. As he walked, his new shoes squeaked and echoed loudly off the tramway walls. Eventually he stopped humming so he could listen for sounds of his home game. Instead, he heard a strange permeating whine that came from all sides and made him want to wiggle a finger in his ear. It started to get cold.

As a woodsman, he was no stranger to a good long walk, but as the minutes stretched into an hour he grew worried. The little train that led into Fix-It Felix Jr. didn't move that fast, did it? Had he been taking it for granted all this time? He should have arrived by now. Had Litwak installed an extension cord without them knowing? It had happened to the Double Dragon brothers once.

Ralph rubbed his shoulders in the chill and whistled in the gloom. Whenever he stopped to look and listen he could have sworn he felt the tracks swaying. Or was he swaying? A breeze ruffled his hair and static crackled somewhere.

_ Don't think about bitghosts, Ralph _ , he soothed himself.  _ Actually, try not to think at all. _

He'd heard tale of characters dying away from home and bits and bites of their code haunting the tracks for years. Everyone in Litwak's who predated the Nintendo 64 swore that the tunnel leading to Mortal Kombat was haunted by a pallet swap of Raiden. The whining crackle of static buzzed around him. Raiden had used lightning, hadn’t he? Blue lightning? The darkness around him was starting to swim and pinpricks of light played in his vision. What if there had been a surge and Ralph was  _ already _ a ghost?

Suddenly an omen of good interrupted Ralph's worry spiral. He stopped in his tracks and sniffed the air. The unmistakable smell of cheap pizza was wafting towards him. Even though Ralph wasn't the biggest fan, he'd been walking for so long that a slice of Italian sausage didn't sound half bad. If he was close enough to Niceland to smell whatever his neighbors were cooking, he was in the clear!

_ Oh, Ralph, worried over nothin'! _ He chuckled at himself just to make some sort of sound in the gloomy space.  _ They oughtta call you Freak-Out Ralph. Hah! Man, nobody can find out about this... _

A wave of relief washed over him as he rounded the corner and dim light illuminated the grooves in the track. With renewed hope and his plastic cushion shoes squeaking with every step, Ralph jogged toward the light. Once his feet found the concrete of a station, he yanked the cushions off and tossed them back into the dark. However, when he turned to face the game he was not met with the cubical forest or the little neighborhood he and Felix had created. Instead, there were rolling hills with a castle towering on the horizon. Everything had an ever so slightly orange tint to it.

Ralph deflated and his knuckles dragged the ground.

"Ah, nuts...no wonder it took so long." He heaved a sigh and turned to start the long trek back when suddenly what looked like a Goomba blocked his path. Upon closer inspection, it was easy to see that this was no Goomba. It was wearing tiny armored boots, possessed a pair of small noodly arms and waved a short sword in one gauntlet-covered hand. Ralph had never seen anything like it before. It squeaked excitedly and Ralph lifted both hands, struggling to understand.

"Woah, woah, I don't want any trouble! I know I’m not supposed to be here. Just let me scootch on by and--"

Suddenly another mushroom burst out of a nearby basil bush followed by three more. Before he knew it, Ralph was surrounded by chattering, bouncing mushrooms waving weapons. None of them seemed bent on attacking him with said weapons but that didn't make the sudden rush of attention any easier to process. They squeaked loudly to one another, elbowing each other in something that almost looked like celebration. Did they think they had captured a monster?

The pizza smell was more prevalent than ever out here but now that Ralph really thought about it, a different smell was pushing its way through. Ralph wrinkled his nose and turned in time to see a non-shroom-shaped knight in full armor making his way toward the commotion astride a horse that seemed to be made entirely of garlic bread--like some sort of rancid animal cracker brought to life.

"At ease, men! At ease!" The knight's voice echoed elegantly from within his helmet. The mushroom guards parted to let him through and he drew up next to Ralph. The knight gave a short bow, his bright red plume bouncing as he did so. "I do apologize, my good man! They get ever so excited over the littlest thing. I assure you they--and by extension I-- mean you no harm!"

"Well that's a relief," said Ralph with the slightest suspicious frown. “Can I go now?” He didn't really want to continue his streak of falling in with corrupt culinary courts. He didn't like the way the garlic bread horse was looking at him. It was though his beady little eyes felt nothing but hate as he stood there and stared and stank.

The Knight tipped up his visor, revealing nothing but a void and a pair of cartoonish eyes. "Forgive me. I simply must know what brings you to our humble kingdom on such a tempestuous night."

Ralph’s expression softened and turned fully to face the stranger. "I got a little turned around back in Game Central Station and wound up hoppin' on the wrong train."

"Game Central Station?" The knight tipped his head to one side and his visor fell shut.

"Yeah you...you know. Th’ big power strip?" Was this yet another new game he hadn't met for the holiday season?

"Arcade...oh!" The knight raised a finger. "You mean the Land of Litwak's. The country across the street!"

"Across the  _ what! _ " With wide eyes Ralph plowed through the company of mushrooms until he stood atop the nearest grassy hill and lifted his eyes to the screen that loomed overhead--a dark hole in an off-colored sky. 

The game he was now in was situated in the corner of a little hole-in-the-wall pizzeria and there, through a pair of glass doors as clear as day (or night, rather), he could see Litwak’s on the other side of a road awash with puddles. The wind was still howling and the lights were out.

"Wow..." Ralph felt a lump form in his throat. "Never seen the front of the joint before..." He wondered if this was how astronauts felt looking at earth from the moon.

"You seem troubled," observed the knight as he rode up beside Ralph. Suddenly he stood up in the saddle, alert and animated. "Oh my, do forgive me! Where are my manners? Why, I could have started a war right here and now! Let me introduce myself!"

"Go ahead," said Ralph, still thunderstruck.

"My name is Sir Tatito, title character and protagonist of Tatito's Quest and this is my trusty steed Crunchy. And you, my extra large friend, are in Pizzonia." When Ralph didn't seem very impressed, he coughed against his fist and turned his gaze back to the screen. "If I may make a suggestion...seeing as the outside world seems to have had other plans for you this night, perhaps you should stay with us until the power returns."

Ralph finally pulled his eyes away from Litwak's and looked down to the strange company surrounding him. Even standing astride his steed, Sir Tatito didn't even come up to Ralph's eye-level. 

"I don’t have much of a choice...not that I don't appreciate it!" He mentally kicked himself. Here he was expecting the worst from these people when all they had done was welcome him and look up at him with excited button eyes--all except for the garlic horse of course. "Thanks a ton. I owe ya."

"Oh, think nothing of it!" Sir Tatito waved away Ralph's concerns and drew his sword. "Mushmen! Let us show our friend the Tatito's way! Hot meals, hot deals, and hospitality!"

The mushmen erupted into cheers and Ralph found himself fighting off a blush. He'd never experienced such excitement from strangers before. The little soldiers marched forward across the greens and Ralph followed them with Sir Tatito riding along beside him.

"I'm afraid I didn't catch your name..." offered Sir Tatito.

"Oh, uh, it's Ralph." Ralph kicked himself again. How had he suddenly gotten so lousy at manners? It was so hard to pay attention to what was going on around him. Worry was gnawing at the back of his thoughts like one of those bright green beavers he was trying to avoid back at the station. What if he didn't get back in time? What if he caused another disaster? "Wreck-It Ralph."

"And what country do you hail from, Sir Wreck-It?"

"Fix-It Felix Jr. It's kind of a classic."

"Splendid! We too are a classic! A relic! A peek into another time, we are quite the curiosity!"

"Is that right?" Ralph shook away his paranoia so he could give Sir Tatito his full attention. "The kids are callin' us retro these days."

"Oh, I like that!  _ Rrretro! _ " It was impossible not to know that Sir Tatito was positively beaming behind his visor. "I'll have to inform the princess once we get to the castle. I know she's just going to love you!"

The mushmen escorting them broke into another bought of cheering.

"Princess huh?" Ralph had never been formally introduced to a princess before--Vanellope didn’t count. She was a president after all. He wondered if telling the princess here that he was an honorary vice president would impress her.

The grass shifted to a dirt path that soon became a cobblestone path. It wound through a little village with mushroom-shaped houses, basil trees, fields of bread-based livestock, and finally the grand castle. When they came to a stop, Ralph couldn't help but notice that the grand castle wasn't actually that grand. While it was enormous, the castle was constructed almost entirely out of pizza boxes. What Ralph had mistaken for rustic weather wear at a distance turned out to be grease stains. He made a note to himself not to touch the walls if he could help it. The castle was surrounded by a deep red bubbling moat of tomato sauce and green fins that might have been peppers swam ominously near to the bank.

A small onion with legs wearing a feathered cap shuffled out of a guard post and announced them with a trumpet. More trumpets answered from within and the drawbridge slowly lowered.

"Oh, brave Sir Tatito!" A voice sang out from within the castle. The princess stepped into view. She was human and wore a long flowing dress speckled with all the toppings you could ever want on a pizza. Her hair flowed down her back in enormous chunky curls which where, Ralph discovered upon closer inspection, actually made of cheese.

"Princess!" Sir Tatito greeted her, scurrying forward and quickly falling to an armored knee to take her hand.

"You were gone for so long, I was afraid some great beast had eaten you," cried the Princess. She fluttered her long lashes as Sir Tatito tipped up his visor and kissed her glove.

"Hah! No mere beast can best the brave Sir Tatito!" The knight stood. "We have traveled far and wide in search of adventure and treasure and I am thrilled to report that we found both! My princess, I have brought a guest."

The princess clasped her hands together as she gazed upward at Ralph who had, during the entire exchange, tried to seem as casual as possible. "Oh, Sir Tatito! He's as brilliant as a hand tossed extra large with everything on it!"

"Thank...you," offered Ralph weakly.

"Ralph, this is our kind and wise ruler, Princess Mozzarella." Sir Tatito gestured to the woman showily.

"It's an honor...y'see I was--"

"Tossed about in the storm! Lost! Alone! Starving and on the very brink of death!" Sir Tatito butted in, waving his arms. "But he is now found and shall reside with us!"

"For the night..." Ralph added quickly. "If it isn't any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all," said Princess Mozzarella in a sort of far-away voice. She batted her eyelashes a few more times.

Ralph suddenly did not want to impress this princess at all. "So ah..."

"To the great hall!" Sir Tatito handed his horse off to one of the soldiers to be taken to the royal stables and ushered his men and Ralph across the drawbridge. "We must have a supreme feast to welcome our guest!"

"Oh, a feast!" Princess Mozzarella clasped her hands together again and lagged behind as she followed. "What a wonderful idea!"

The inside of the palace was just as ramshackle as the outside. The walls were made of stained cardboard though there had been an attempt to make arches here and there. Long banners celebrating the various toppings offered by Tatito's hung in the corridor along with several poorly rendered portraits of the princess. The carpet was luckily made of actual carpet and not as sticky as it looked. Ralph missed his cushion shoes. At least the horse was gone and it was much easier to breathe in here.

"Isn't it simply divine?" The princess sighed as she gestured to her palace. She led Ralph and her knight into what was apparently the great hall. "My late father, The King, had such taste in architecture."

"Uhuh..." said Ralph as he stole a sideways glance at the interior. There was a cross stitch plaque hanging on the wall that proclaimed NO PLACE LIKE CALZONE in twee lettering. The tables were made of row upon row of those little white plastic things pizza shops put in the center of their pies to keep the boxes from squishing them.

The princess took a seat at the far end of the long 'table' and Sir Tatito pulled her chair out for her. Ralph was then instructed to take a seat himself. He carefully sat down in the folding chair on the other end. Sir Tatito scurried off to fetch the feast he had suggested, leaving the two of them alone.

"We're so happy to have you. I'm so so sorry to hear of your treacherous journey, Randall."

"Ralph."

"If only better circumstances could have brought us together." She sighed dramatically and turned to stare wistfully at a wall. Ralph wondered if she was imagining a window there.

"Eyeah...so! What's...it like being the only game in an establishment? Must be exhausting with all the attention, huh? Quarter alert after quarter alert."

"Oh..." Princess Mozzarella turned away from her supposed window gazing and looked at Ralph as though she was actually seeing him for the first time. This time when she fluttered her lashes she seemed more alarmed than dreamy. "Yes..."

Feeling as though he'd broken some strange unspoken rule, Ralph shut his mouth and drummed his fingers carefully on the plastic table. Time passed. Princess Mozzarella stared at him as though expecting him to say or do something amazing. Ralph decided to count the pepperonis on the carpet. In the silence Ralph swore he could still hear the distant haunting empty buzz of the wire tunnel.

"A grand feast for a grand guest!" Sir Tatito trumpeted from the grand hall's entrance. The knight came scurrying in holding aloft two paper plates upon which were two single slices of cheese pizza.

"Oh, the fine china! Oh, Sir Tatito, you think of everything," squealed Princess Mozzarella.

"Think nothing of it! It is my sworn duty! It comes as easily to me as breathing!"

Ralph ignored their dramatic doting and stared down at the pitiful cheese triangle on his plate. This was a grand feast? After all that walking, he couldn't really complain. If only the dinner company was less...

"And I've already turned on the sauna, turned down the guest bed, set out the complimentary soaps..."

... _ something _ . Less  _ something _ . Ralph couldn't put his finger on it.

Luckily the pizza, like all pizza, was pretty good even though it was pretty bad.

After the not-so-grand feast, Ralph was led up a cardboard stairwell he could scarcely squeeze through. This castle had not been designed with enormous brick smashing men in mind. Sir Tatito bounded ahead, still in full armor, still full of life, his plume bouncing behind him as he showed off the portraits that lined the walls. One of them was a coupon. The first door they came to was the supposed sauna. Steam billowed out when the door was tugged open. The room was small and furnished with a circle of benches surrounding a bath full of bubbling cheese fondue.

It was enough to make Chuck E's eyes cross.

"I really appreciate it, but I'm actually pretty bushed. I think I'd like to go right to bed."

For a moment, a moment that stretched for a mile, Sir Tatito was quiet. Loading something perhaps. Then up came his spirits, his finger held high. "Of course! Follow me then! Your room is right up here!"

When Sir Tatito turned to continue leading him, Ralph let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. A few mushroom guards scurried into the cheesy sauna after they left, taking advantage of the free space, flinging their armor off behind them.

The guest room, it turned out, was another stained cardboard chamber holding nothing but a four-poster bed done up with a whole heap of napkins. When Sir Tatito's visor-covered gaze turned to Ralph, he forced the biggest toothy smile he could.

"Thanks! It's perfect!" His smile shrank and became more sincere. "Really. Thanks a ton for takin' me in."

"Ah ah ah!" Sir Tatito waved away Ralph's concerns once again. "It is our honor! Sleep well! If you need anything at all, don't hesitate for a single sizzling second!"

Ralph laughed weakly and waved as the knight clattered out of sight. He dragged a hand down his face and stumped his way over to the bed. It was a flimsy little thing. There was no way on earth it would hold him. Instead, he just ruffled up the covers to make it look as though he'd used it and slumped down onto the floor next to it, arms folded behind his head.

"What a night..."

Despite the strange surroundings, sleep came readily enough to Ralph.

By the time the sun rose, the storm clouds had rolled on. Ralph was summoned from his chamber and nearly broke his neck climbing onto the bed before Sir Tatio could get the door open. 

"Would'ya look at that," said Ralph as he, Sir Tatito, and Princess Mozzarella all stood on the highest balcony of the castle.

They had a much better view of the pizzeria and more importantly, the glass doors from here. The streets outside in the gamer’s world were strewn with leaves and garbage. Enormous puddles reflected the hazy dawn light. A big purple van was parked in front of Litwak's. The words WILLIAM'S WASHERS plastered the side, outlined in bubbles. It was possible to see the blinking lights of functioning games through the arcade’s windows.

"The power’s back! Looks like we got our William's Weekend after all! Haha!" Ralph struggled to contain a whoop. He didn't want to hurt his new friends' feelings. He also couldn't wait to tell his pals about the little misadventure he'd had in the tunnels. Except for the part about being worried about ghosts.

Nobody was to know about that.

"Do hurry back for a visit!" Princess Mozzarella insisted.

"Yes! It isn't often we get to treat a guest!"

Ralph turned and flashed both of them a grin, feeling much better now that he'd rested. "You bet! You know, a buddy of mine would probably love this place!" He turned to Princess Mozzarella. "She's a princess--well, by design. But she's more of a president now." Princess Mozzarella and Sir Tatito looked at one another. "There's a cabinet and there's voting and...nevermind!"

He moved past them, ducking carefully through the archway leading to the throne room, eager to get down that staircase. During the night, though he'd slept well enough, he was certain he felt the tower wobbling as they all slept.

Suddenly a crowd of mushroom soldiers came pouring in from the stairwell. They all bounced and squeaked in alarm and hurried in worried circles.

Ralph stopped in his tracks and looked back to his hosts. "What's goin' on? What are they saying?"

"Just a moment, just a moment." Sir Tatito hurried to the head of the company and flapped his hands to calm them. Three mushrooms stacked once upon the other so the one on top could squeak into his ear--or where his ear would be inside the armor. "Ah. I see."

The little knight sucked in a heavy echoing sigh and turned to face Ralph and the princess, his fingers pressed together, almost guiltily.

"I don't like that. Please don't make that face. I know I can't see your face but I know the kind of face you're making and if I could just--"

"I am afraid..."

"D'oh!"

"...that there's a bit of a problem."

"A problem!" Princess Mozzarella shrieked. She put her hands to her face and several mushrooms hurried around behind her to catch her as she fell into a near faint with her feet kicking up.

"Er, yes." Sir Tatito scratched the back of his helmet. "My men were arranging a little send-off for you and upon checking the train, they discovered that the, ah, terminal seems to still be out of service. There must be a power line down somewhere out of sight of the pizzeria."

"Oh..." Ralph swallowed and kind of wished a bunch of mushrooms would hurry behind him to catch him, should the dizzy feeling that had suddenly overwhelmed him get any worse.

"Not to fear!" Sir Tatito held his finger aloft. Both Ralph and Princess Mozzarella stopped mid-faint. "It shouldn't be down long! In the meantime, why not spend the day with us? We can show you how things are done here in Pizzonia!"

Ralph straightened himself back up and stepped back onto the balcony. The truck must have only just arrived...they had at least two days...a William's Weekend was a William's Weekend for a reason. Nobody would be in danger.

He'd wanted a vacation after all. Ralph thought abotu Vanellope and how excited she had been. Maybe the tram would only be down for a few more hours. He would still have time to show his best friend how to kick back and relax.

Ralph turned to face the worried Pizzonians and gave them another smile. "Sure thing. Besides, I'd been wanting a vacation--a normal one--for a while. What better place to spend a vacation than another country?"

Sir Tatito, Princess Mozzarella, and the mushroom guard all beamed.

 

***

 

"Knock-knock, Stinkbrain! It's  _ vacation time! _ "

Vanellope had showed up on Ralph's doorstep bright and early wearing a pair of enormous sunglasses. She had the weekend all planned. They would go to the beach and then they would go snowboarding and then they would eat a million snacks and see a movie and ride a roller coaster and take photos!

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" Vanellope rapped her little knuckles on Ralph's big wooden door once again. She was glad he had a house big enough to suit him, especially after seeing what kind of dump he used to live in. It didn't have nearly as much cool garbage as her dump had. Once you’ve seen one brick you’ve seen ‘em all. When no sleepy lumbering footfalls approached the door, Vanellope worked her lip into a pout.

"He wouldn'ta started without me..." She turned on the welcome mat and lifted her glasses to peer down the sidewalk where the bonus level critters were happily greeting the morning. "Maybe he's just checkin' in with the Fix-Its."

After greeting a few coiling snakes and miscellaneous bats (none of which had seen Ralph that morning) she approached the Niceland Apartments with a bad feeling in her stomach--that kind of feeling you get after eating a Twinkie somebody found under the sofa on a dare but you aren't a weenie so you eat it anyway.

Vanellope slipped into the building. The foyer was filled with chatter from Nicelanders and early bird visitors alike making plans for the William's Weekend. It was easy to spot Felix and Calhoun--or at least it was easy to spot Calhoun. She as the only one, save Ralph, who had to stoop when she stood indoors. Vanellope rushed over. The two of them were discussing whether or not a cybug-seeking telescope would be a good addition to the rooftop gardens or not.

"S'cuse me," said Vanellope, remembering her deep-coded princess manners.

They broke from their discussion, both of them lighting up with a smile.

"Good morning, Vanellope!" Felix smiled and brought his hands together.

"Madam President," Calhoun tipped her head toward the girl.

"Up bright and early, I see!" Felix commented, taking a moment to wave goodbye to Mary as she made her way by pushing a tray stocked with lemonades. "Are your ready for a vacation?"

"Yeah, about that." Vanellope stood tall. "Have you guys seen Ralph? I knocked on his door but he didn't answer it and we were gonna do a whole bunch of totally cool fun stuff today."

Felix's smile faded ever so slightly. "Oh, you know ol’ Ralph! He sleeps like a grizzly bear!" Or so Felix assumed. Wasn't that how all woodsfolk slept?

"But I knocked and knocked and even called him names and he didn't come out!" Vanellope felt panic rising in her chest along with the terrible bad Twinkie feeling.

"We'll take care of this, Miss President, don't you worry." Calhoun assured her.

The three of them hurried to Ralph's place and stood before the enormous oak door. Felix tapped on the door with the hook-end of his hammer. "Ralph! Rise and shine, Ralph! You've got a guest! Come out and be neighborly!"

When no answer came, Calhoun decided to take things into her own hands. She whipped her blaster off her belt and shot the door right off its hinges. It fell inward with a thud and a wisp of smoke.

"Honeybunches, I'm not sure that was necessary...Ralph! Don't worry, Ralph, I'll fix it!" He instantly set to repairing the door. Poor guy only just became a homeowner and here they were wrecking his place. That was Ralph’s job, not theirs!

Calhoun strode purposefully across the threshold, scanning the humble place with a furrowed brow. She disappeared down a short hall but was not gone for long. When she reappeared she was frowning. "Hmm."

"Hmm?" Hummed both Felix and Vanellope.

"Place is abandoned."

"Oh my land..." whispered Felix.

Vanellope clenched her fists and bit her lip. 


End file.
